Healthy Relationships

“You are the average of the 5 people closest to you.” - Jim Rohn.

Every one of the organs in our body is made up of cells. Each organ system in the body has a different kind of cell which is the “base building block” if you will. In the brain, the cells are called neurons. There are many different kinds of neurons, which all help you perform different functions like sight, hearing, touch, breathing, and everything else. Your brain is ultimately the source of all the “decisions” which happen to run your body, whether they are conscious (meaning you actively decided to do or feel them) or subconscious (meaning they happen regardless of whether or not you thought about them).

One of the most interesting kinds of neurons is called a mirror neuron. This is a kind of cell which causes the brain to mimic the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors around us. This is a very powerful, instinctual force within the human brain because we have evolved to take actions which will lead to the highest chance of survival. And because throughout most of human history, we needed to travel in groups in order to survive, we have evolved to be like those people who we are around.

Why does this matter? It matters because you will become very much like the people who spend the most time with. Think about it...are your top 5 closest friends complainers? If they are, chances are you complain a lot. Are the closest 5 people to you very overweight? Chances are you are overweight too. Are the 5 closest people to you very happy? Then chances are you are very happy too.

This is a startling principle because it works across many different categories. Your income is usually an average of the income of the 5 people closest to you. Your weight is usually the average of the 5 people closest to you. Your level of happiness (if you measured it on a scale from 1-10), is generally the average of the 5 people closest to you.

This is also a big reason why people who lose weight, will gain it back after 30 days or 60 days, it’s because they continue spending time with people who are overweight or unhealthy. Over time, people mirror the thoughts, feelings, and actions of the people closest to them. This is why it’s necessary to spend time with healthy people on an ongoing basis because it will allow your transformation to be sustainable. Unless you continue to be mentored, encouraged, and supported by healthy, fit people and those desiring to be very healthy, you will almost certainly lose the progress you’ve made so far in this program, and the progress you’d make in any program.

What do you do about it? If there is one principle I could give you which would absolutely change your health forever more than any other, it would be to prioritize spending time with more healthy, inspiring people. Especially for the beginning of your transformation, (the first 6 months), it’s important to lessen the time spent with people who are unhappy, overweight, and unambitious in transforming their body and life. Instead, spend time with people who encourage you, push you, challenge you, and inspire you to do better in your health.

It may feel hard at first (it almost always does), but if you forever stay around people who aren’t willing to change, then you are essentially guaranteeing you will stay stuck or end up moving backwards in your health.

With that said, I am not encouraging you to abandon your friends and family. I do though, encourage you to seek out relationships that inspire growth and health. Make friends with others doing this program, go do some community service and meet people there, hang out at parks and spark up conversations with others enjoying nature. As we develop more relationships with those who are living a life full of love, gratitude, and growth, the energy they radiate will influence ours!

Relationship Exercise

Identify the top 5 people who you are closest with. In this context, consider the top 5 people who you spend the most time with, and also the top 5 sources of information you consume.

In order to identify these people, you can just look at your text messages, calls, and calendar. That should tell you everything you need to know. Once you identify your 5, ask yourself, does this person have the health and fitness level I desire? If they don’t, consider how you can communicate a bit less with this person over the next 6 months. If by going through this exercise, you realize that one of these people is someone who is not growth oriented, doesn’t support your transformation, or doesn’t want those things for themselves (and they are not a family member or spouse), you may consider ending your relationship with them to be around people who will support your transformation.

After you identify the people who need to leave your life, identify the people who you want to draw closer. Maybe they are people in this program, maybe they are friends you want to get closer to. Identify someone you want to be better friends with, then reach out to them now and tell them you want to be better friends to and with them.

Also, identify the sources of learning or information you consume the most. Like what tv shows you watch, podcasts you listen to, books you read, etc. Consider if reading and consuming this material will actually focus you on what will help you achieve your body transformation. Consider a different book, show, podcast, or website which will inspire you and push you towards becoming better. As the saying goes “Garbage in, garbage out, but treasure in, treasure out.”

After going through this process, write in the Facebook group who you realize you need to spend less time with or maybe even cut out of your life. And one more person who you need to spend time with more as well. If you don’t have any healthy or fit friends, ask in the group who is open to being a better friend, and offer to be an encourager for them as well. Their are many amazing friends in this community, but you have to initiate to find them!